"Disconnect myself from your memory & never feel anything at all.."
In conclusion to my previous blog..I have an empty pit in my stomach from him again...the kind where it hurts to breath & your throat is numb and you feel queasy...
So after what I said yesterday I decided to confront him & lay it all out - if we're going to do this, I want no lies, nothing that is going to surface in a few months time whilst I'm living my life that is going to floor me...
Everything came out.
"Keep straight ahead & keep my pace..don't think about nothing & it'll be alright.."
...I can't complain about this..It is my own risk I was prepared to take..Thank goodness for my gut instinct, It has never failed me whereas my heart seems to lead me into these sticky situations leaving my stomach churning..stressing myself to the point of illness whilst telling myself all if well..
My heart & OUR relationship was not for him to decide. I should have known all the facts & it be left up to me to decide what to do..how dare he (it's not like I didn't know he had this in him..it's not the first or second or third time he's lied to me) stand there and cry & say he loves me.
I loved your charade. I loved the person you pretended to be in front of me.
The saddest thing is..you have so many different versions of yourself that the truthful one of who you are is the one that stood in front of me shaking & crying & begging...
I didn't ask to be your mountain.. I wasn't yours to conquer..
"Don't look back in anger, now is all that you can say...cause angers all I got to keep me warm while your away...& all your words & all your actions don't mean anything to me...cause I've cut you off...."
It really is baffling to me that after the conclusion I came to yesterday & spoke about, it all comes crumbling down around me within that day..it is almost like a soap opera.
Turn your heart ache into something worth while..rise above your struggles & turn it into a story..
I am a believer in signs & this to me is just another one that is kind of a nice peaceful thought for me that I am usually right when I read someone..I guess my capacity & belief that everyone deserves a second chance will always stand..everyone does..but at this stage..this was your final show for me..curtain call...you reached out cause you knew I would listen & the fact of this matter is that's how you play your game.
I am not your game..& never will I be...
ONESTA' means honesty in Italian- you got the tattoo on your arm because you cheated on me there...but then I find there is more...Most people where there heart on there sleeve whereas your heart is broken..on your sleeve...right next to a permanent reminder for the rest of your life as to why I am not yours...
"Here we stand & face each other we've got nothing to say...A fight back in another time where silence was a welcome friend... I'm sorry I can't really say, all the things going on inside my head, silence is a justified expression of my war..now nothings like it was before"
In conclusion to my previous blog..I have an empty pit in my stomach from him again...the kind where it hurts to breath & your throat is numb and you feel queasy...
So after what I said yesterday I decided to confront him & lay it all out - if we're going to do this, I want no lies, nothing that is going to surface in a few months time whilst I'm living my life that is going to floor me...
Everything came out.
"Keep straight ahead & keep my pace..don't think about nothing & it'll be alright.."
...I can't complain about this..It is my own risk I was prepared to take..Thank goodness for my gut instinct, It has never failed me whereas my heart seems to lead me into these sticky situations leaving my stomach churning..stressing myself to the point of illness whilst telling myself all if well..
My heart & OUR relationship was not for him to decide. I should have known all the facts & it be left up to me to decide what to do..how dare he (it's not like I didn't know he had this in him..it's not the first or second or third time he's lied to me) stand there and cry & say he loves me.
I loved your charade. I loved the person you pretended to be in front of me.
The saddest thing is..you have so many different versions of yourself that the truthful one of who you are is the one that stood in front of me shaking & crying & begging...
I didn't ask to be your mountain.. I wasn't yours to conquer..
"Don't look back in anger, now is all that you can say...cause angers all I got to keep me warm while your away...& all your words & all your actions don't mean anything to me...cause I've cut you off...."
It really is baffling to me that after the conclusion I came to yesterday & spoke about, it all comes crumbling down around me within that day..it is almost like a soap opera.
Turn your heart ache into something worth while..rise above your struggles & turn it into a story..
I am a believer in signs & this to me is just another one that is kind of a nice peaceful thought for me that I am usually right when I read someone..I guess my capacity & belief that everyone deserves a second chance will always stand..everyone does..but at this stage..this was your final show for me..curtain call...you reached out cause you knew I would listen & the fact of this matter is that's how you play your game.
I am not your game..& never will I be...
ONESTA' means honesty in Italian- you got the tattoo on your arm because you cheated on me there...but then I find there is more...Most people where there heart on there sleeve whereas your heart is broken..on your sleeve...right next to a permanent reminder for the rest of your life as to why I am not yours...
"Here we stand & face each other we've got nothing to say...A fight back in another time where silence was a welcome friend... I'm sorry I can't really say, all the things going on inside my head, silence is a justified expression of my war..now nothings like it was before"
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