The Eve of New Years Eve.

I cleverly hired out the 1st season of Entourage last night so I would not right myself off the day before new yrs..I seem to have big nights before important planned evenings..I don't know whether we all just get too excited but I was looking forward to waking up early going to the beach & having the day to get ready...

My brother decided to have some mates over for a bbq which turned into a mini party- I went outside & before I knew it everyone was drunk... It was a great evening.. Eye opening..I caught my lil brother having a compression session in his mates car.. Now this is so unbelievably as my brother is so anti anything remotely illegal..how ironic..You have to know my family to understand this..

Around 10 o clock we are all in the pool.. about 15 of us..my pool is not as big as it usually is with that many people in it..funny that...we have this anal neighbour..her husband formerly was married to her mother, yes you read correctly..she stole her step dad & married him..she also paints her driveway monthly to keep it looking shiny & vacuums her grass so no leaves are on it.. desperate housewives eat your heart out.

When my parents host Bbq's or have people around she turns on her outside light & shines it in our yard.. as a little warning for us to keep it down. So she does this last night.. of course we don't really notice as we are all listening intently to the people playing guitar..they sounded great apart from the death metal songs they were trying to scream with an acoustic guitar-just doesn't really work... So we see 2 heads popping over our fence telling us how terrible we are..I get everyone to go inside then about 10 minutes later there is a knock at the door-of course it's the police & because we are such menaces too society they felt the need to send 3 squad cars- like hello? I know people who are getting broken into in Balga have trouble getting cops to arrive with 1 car within the hr let alone 3 in 10 Min's for a frigging noise complaint..

One of the offices just walks on into my house-totally illegal if they do not have a search warrant..I am not about to point this out though & I block the doorway and talk to him in the kitchen- nice and co-operative- well done by me considering I'd just finished a bottle of wine..

When i awoke I found a mauled leg of meat on the outside table with a knife sticking out of it..I had to try & remember what it was..for a second I was worried someone had killed the neighbours & ate them..but I realised it was the Christmas ham I was cutting up and we were all eating..

So it's nearly 5 o clock on new yrs eve I am super hung over & a little annoyed at my stupidity & habit to get to drunk the night before an event.

Going to see Pendulum at Origin tonight I cannot wait!! Here's hoping I find my second wind before midnight...

When The Stalagmites Go Up, The Stalactites Fall down

I went down south on the weekend, just got back today..Would of liked to have stayed longer.. I left Saturday afternoon & because roller coaster was on in Mandurah it took at least 1hr & a half to get through there then just outside Lake Clifton someone had a crash so I had to detour down Pinjarra rd...ultimately resulting in what should of been a 3 hr trip took about 5 & a half hours. Fantastic!!

So my friend & I went to the Ngili Caves in Yallingup & oh my goodness how small we all are in the scheme of things like this.. Nigili Cave is 11 storeys deep..It takes over 100yrs for stalagmite/stalactites to grow 1cm & some of these things would have been at least 1 mtr & a half.. It was opened to the public in 1901..it didn't have stairs & lighting back then so people just used to walk on in & explore..crazy.. There is a part where you have to crawl through a cave(optional), now I am extremely claustrophobic but being adventurous my logic was how often am I exploring an ancient cave with my best friend? So I go crawling through this tiny dark space..there are people in front an behind so once your in you have to keep going..so a little girl a few people in front decided to panic & not move forward..I start to get extremely nervous & just hope she gets her shit together... I have these 4 American guys literally sitting on my back so it's starts to get extremely humid!! I have photo's to prove this..it's quiet funny cause I look calm and happy.. Fake cheesy smiles meanwhile on the inside I was totally panicking/cursing myself for not wearing shorts, here's a handy tip for anyone with the hankering for some cave adventures...don't wear a dress..need I say more?

After about 45 Min's in this cave we decide it's time to surface..we get lost...walked up & down & in circles & I swear I nearly had a heart attack...new yrs resolution.. get fit!

We drove to Margaret River that afternoon had a look around & went to Prevelly Beach...renowned for it's dangerous breaks..the most dangerous in W.A, the sets are amazing but so fierce..4 brutal waves straight after one another..god help you if one of those smashes you in to the reef let alone 4 of them!!! Just call me extreme..cave explorer..dare devil beach goer..it was waaay to windy & there were no hotties like I had imagined..after about an hr when I could not hear or see any longer because there was so much sand in my ears & eyes we decided to head back.. the drive to & from Margs from Caves rd is stunning..so many beautiful old trees..very peaceful..I'm thinking of living there for a Summer next year on Uni break with my friend..why not? Exactly.

I'm a bit disappointed I didn't get to Smiths..I used to surf it when I was younger...I wouldn't these days due to scary down south locals that could possibly kill me if I dropped in on them.. I'm heading back down to Busselton on Friday for South Bound so will make sure to go there on the Sunday..Not to surf..but to sit there & be awesome ha ha.

I have the house to myself..I have to go water the 50 bazillion plants in the garden now so they don't die..Here's hoping I am not found lying dead next to a running hose by the frangipanni tree after getting severe sun stroke.. who said I'm not a optimist?

You're The New Revolution, The Angst Filled Adolescent, You Fit The Stereotype Well

Merry Christmas.

Or should we replace the merry with "untill i have to much to drink & feel I can say whatever the hell I want & blame it on innebriation?"

So i had a wonderful christmas at home as usual, my mum makes a lot off effort for it to feel special which is lovely..had the family over & these 4 west papuan refugee young adults over for lunch...it's there first christmas away from there family whome they'll probably never see again.. these kids are as old or a few yrs older than me & you cannot begin to imagine what they have seen, sacrificed & remember..god bless australia.

I got some nice presents..perfume..clothes..house appliances.. the book twilight..i detest the movie.. but i could see from the movie that it was obviously a book that was trying to be crammed into a movie an can appreciate it may be a great story so I am going to give twilight a chance to redeem itself otherwise I will feed it to a goat. Take that Stephanie Meyer.

As nice as it was to have these 4 west papuans here I couldn't help but to think - is it worst to have them around another families happy christmas..would it be better to leave them to themselves to keep there mind off christmas ..I dunno if it was torturous to them..lovely gesture by my mother but i think sometimes you just have to accept things are that way & you're not going to be able to fix it..which is an awful selfish way to think..but they just seemed so sad & uncomfortable.. But then I guess if everyone thought like that nothing would be changed..don't get me wrong I don't think things should be left how they are just because it's how it is, just felt like here we are having our merry happy christmas with our families in our home..I can't imagine how numbing that must of been for them..

I went to friends last night for christmas festivities & the subject between the girls came up about someone I am sick of hearing about as it gets me quiet annoyed..so I got up & went outside to talk to my friend about something way more awesome than bitching about someone who shouldn't take up our conversation time! Any how when I sat back down once of the girls asks me what my problem is I explained I don't want to sit around bitching & then my drunk friend got all angry. Now as I am writing this I realise how pathetic & immature it is..I try to avoid this crap because why the hell would we sit around talking shit about someone getting everyone all fiery & annoyed when we could be acting like FRIENDS and having a good time. Sometimes I swear that I could make a show as dramatic or maybe even more as Laguna beach..for fucks sake are we not all getting as bit old for this crap...peoples jealousy is ridiculous & transparent but you cannot tell that to them without looking conceited.. Peoples insecurities are so fickle sometimes & it just looks worse when you try to justify it.

I suppose I started this because my head is going to explode & what I know & what I see just seems to intimidate people. If everytime you start drinking/or your with your friends & you seem to just snap at people or have a conflict it's time to take a good hard look at yourself & realise it may be you, don't let your sadness & insecurities blind you to a great freind standing in front of you.. Alot of my friends remind me of the lost boys from peter pan..always playing, no rules & really happy but when it comes down to it & there vulnerable they just want someone to look after them. It's not a bad thing. Everyone wants to be cared for- just don't keep cutting the ties of the ones that do because there not going to keep coming back..

So I cancelled bbq today cause lately there has just been to much tension within our group & I hate the drama. Everyones growing up & the harsh realisation of it has people flailing even if they don't know it.

Life is great.. These are our glory years..don't waste them being worried about petty things that in a yrs time will not matter all that much..

A Heaven They Found Crawling In The Sun

So inevitably you come to a point in your life where you question the choices you've made/make.. a moment/conversation or person sheds the harsh reality of what is what & you have no way to ignore it.. Sure you try too.. but once you have seen something as it is it's hard for it to have the same sparkle as before..like finding out Santa isn't real..Christmas is fun..but its not magic..

I have some people in my life that I have been seeing them for who they are, the fun party crowd..always keen to keep going..so friendly & talkative...yet do they really see what is going on..to me after there fun wears off or there isn't a party going on, they're lost, unhappy grasping on anything to keep them from the reality that is there life.. some are a bit older & I am seeing the facade..

People get funny when they've been drinking/dropping/ crack-a-lacking (YUCK!) etc..soo intense..so passionate about something.. letting there deeper issues manifest into something totally over the top resulting mostly in an outburst that leaves them looking nuts & waking the next day with the deep shame of exposing a little piece of there inner turmoil they thought they'd covered for so long in there mask of loud/partying/drinking/Look at me I'm so care free bullshit fucking stage act centre of attention ways.

You get there sms the next morning apologising "i was drunk/i was off chops" bla bla bla... I'm sorry I didn't realise that gives you lee-way to be a completely selfish animal, self proclaimed prophet.

If every time your a little out of your sober mind frame & you get like this please do the people around you a favour & grow the fuck up.. everyone has a life.. every one's life has hardships..every ones problem-no matter how ridiculous it may seem to you- is important to them. And i bet you've been around to see someone do this & I'm assuming you don't really have much respect or notice.. what you think of them is probably going to be the same thing anyone will think of you if you do the same. So just don't. It's awkward, it's boring, we are laughing at you, and in case your thinking "nah they understand i explained it" we're not going to not say that..if you're wondering if you have said to much 99% of the time you probably have..life can be great.. life will be great if you want it to be.

Everyday there are decisions, choices, reactions & observations to be made. If everything around you is crumbling, your relationships are a mess & you are constantly doubting everything you think, that's the point in which you can either break down & focus on the negative & take the easy option of going through the motions, using it to justify your behaviour. Or you can be brave.. do something different.. stand up for something that is not right with yourself & make things happen for the better.. I heard somewhere before that the measure of a persons character is "What would you do if no-one was around to see what you're doing & nobody could find out?"

Think about that question.. being a good person isn't being nice when you're happy, when someone is watching, talking about the good deeds you do/plan to do.. it's who you are inside.

Sure you were young & naeive when you found the things that made you feel good- but I'm sure some of us are now realising it's not good for us at all.. It was easier for you to alter your state of mind, feign the confidence they never had, find the time to talk to strangers, find sitting around a table until sunrise talking shit entertaining in which it is fucking lame & boring. I think playing in traffic is more fun than this.

It's time to look around you & see that these happy extroverted children of the night are nothing but empty shells of a soul that once was ..unable to find anything but what is truth as to why they are justified to do what they do..Hiding in the shadow's..Crawling through the sun is a great feeling but after a while you are burnt.

The memory of false pretentious happiness that you can't quiet feel sober is your reason to go the way you do, using that as the excuse..it is unbelievably sad/selfish & the longest road to no where . I hear the justifications from people..so decieved by it all... always talking about that one time when.... that's what there about... chasing a past feeling they once achieved.. not making any progress.. looking behind & not seeing the huge cliff face there about to back off if they don't turn around soon.

Strung Out- Barfly
One more fix just a little bit of that Heaven I found crawling in the sun
Sitting, waiting, calling me to Indulge in this game that's gonna set me free
Another wasted night and here I am again
Promises remain just promises and I don't know why
A moment of weakness is a moment of clarity I know what I want
Why fight the temptation when it's all you've got When it's all I've ever known

So I give into the old ways of the past start besides
Once again I trap myself delivering from all I've gained
Lies to myself I've seen the justified means
I've got no time to listen to your good advice
I'm doin' just fine
Here on my own down here

I know one day this dance'll bring you to my knees
It's only a matter of time before I fall again
But that's alright
It's the little things in life that always mean the most to me anyway
So what if I go with a little piece of heaven and then take the edge away

Just like the living dead
That walk around the graves these nights
It's better in the closet
Found a piece of mind I never had
Call to escape from reality
I call it looking at the world
With both eyes open wide
To the truth yeah

I wanna be found smilin' when I die here
I wanna burn my eyes out on the sun
In heaven's basement you're the one that killed me first
Another endless night goes down

One more fix just a little bit
Of that heaven I found crawling in my sun
Sitting, waiting, calling me to indulge in this game that's gonna set me free
A moment of weakness is all I got and it's all I ever know
Another wasted night and here I am ...