If you love something, set it free & if it comes back to you it's yours...?
I've just come out of a major family discussion- basically they want me home before 11pm Sunday through Thursday.. I get where there coming from but I believe it's because they have the wrong idea of me..I'm not out partying..I'm not doing drugs..I'm not sleeping with 7 different men each week...the men should be so lucky baha.
I have a very opinionated family..therefore everybody believes they are right and there way is the only way...I try explaining your view matters to you- it does not make it right- it does not make it wrong- it is your opinion...I got scorned for comparing my fathers view to Hitlers view- "Just because Hitler believed Jews should be killed he was right.." Now don't get me wrong..I'm not insane- basically what I was trying to get across is that even when you are so obviously out of line or wrong to others - if you believe it- it is right to you...
I am back with a man that did not treat me right at all..he cheated on me, degraded me, disrespected me..talked shit about me to his mates..the final straw for me was finding him at his friends 15hrs after he was supposed to meet me in leederville at a house surrounded by topless skimpies- on a Sunday afternoon... And you're thinking what the fuck are you doing back with this person..? Well...he has had an interesting life to say the least..i fully see the potential in him & know he has a good heart..( i can see everyone rolling there eyes at this cliche' story) He has never been given direction or discipline and when it comes down to it he does not know better.. He wants to change & I think he can.. My family & friends think I'm nuts or just a masochist..I know what I know & have seen this from ways no one has or could understand.. Loving someone to me..is not about when it's all good & fun..it's sticking by them through thick & thin & helping if you can..I'm not a retard..I know a lost cause when I see one..There is hope & I will not turn my back on a friend. I can handle pain...I believe life doesn't dish out anything we cannot handle..I can handle.
I moved out of home when I was 16...to a small town down south to move into a home with my first boyfriend whom was 7 yrs my Senior...After a yr I packed my things and drove home..It was an awful lonely time in my life but I learnt alot..I know not to believe the things I used to & that is why I know what I am doing..I suppose I am trying to get this out because it is the worst feeling when the people sitting in front of you do not understand you or where you're coming from..I'm disappointed to say that this is the story of most of my relationships..I used to constantly doubt myself & sometimes wonder if the world is seeing things through different eyes to mine..?
How often when you're doing something or going through something do you realise it for what it is...I say- whilst growing up & learning..you rarely do at the time & it takes a while to sink in an see something for what it is.
I set him free...tried to get on with my life..started another dysfunctional relationship...walked out of my job & then almost died..I seem to have a few hurdles in my way but it's nothing I can't handle. I know I'm destined for big things.. I can handle humiliation..I don't care what people think of me now because I am me, I'm rare & once day everything will be okay..until then I am enjoying this roller coaster of a life I sometimes am ashamed to call my own..
He somehow is still around and still pops out & it is a sign that I need to help him..I am not some psycho who See's it as a fun makeover project.. We seem to come across each other..he can open up with me & I am the only one who he seems to listen too...I don't want him to spiral out of sight into the life of drugs & alcohol & be a "he had so much potential" story...
It is better to burn out than to fade away. Isn't it?
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