So inevitably you come to a point in your life where you question the choices you've made/make.. a moment/conversation or person sheds the harsh reality of what is what & you have no way to ignore it.. Sure you try too.. but once you have seen something as it is it's hard for it to have the same sparkle as before..like finding out Santa isn't real..Christmas is fun..but its not magic..
I have some people in my life that I have been seeing them for who they are, the fun party crowd..always keen to keep going..so friendly & talkative...yet do they really see what is going on..to me after there fun wears off or there isn't a party going on, they're lost, unhappy grasping on anything to keep them from the reality that is there life.. some are a bit older & I am seeing the facade..
People get funny when they've been drinking/dropping/ crack-a-lacking (YUCK!) etc..soo intense..so passionate about something.. letting there deeper issues manifest into something totally over the top resulting mostly in an outburst that leaves them looking nuts & waking the next day with the deep shame of exposing a little piece of there inner turmoil they thought they'd covered for so long in there mask of loud/partying/drinking/Look at me I'm so care free bullshit fucking stage act centre of attention ways.
You get there sms the next morning apologising "i was drunk/i was off chops" bla bla bla... I'm sorry I didn't realise that gives you lee-way to be a completely selfish animal, self proclaimed prophet.
If every time your a little out of your sober mind frame & you get like this please do the people around you a favour & grow the fuck up.. everyone has a life.. every one's life has hardships..every ones problem-no matter how ridiculous it may seem to you- is important to them. And i bet you've been around to see someone do this & I'm assuming you don't really have much respect or notice.. what you think of them is probably going to be the same thing anyone will think of you if you do the same. So just don't. It's awkward, it's boring, we are laughing at you, and in case your thinking "nah they understand i explained it" we're not going to not say that..if you're wondering if you have said to much 99% of the time you probably have..life can be great.. life will be great if you want it to be.
Everyday there are decisions, choices, reactions & observations to be made. If everything around you is crumbling, your relationships are a mess & you are constantly doubting everything you think, that's the point in which you can either break down & focus on the negative & take the easy option of going through the motions, using it to justify your behaviour. Or you can be brave.. do something different.. stand up for something that is not right with yourself & make things happen for the better.. I heard somewhere before that the measure of a persons character is "What would you do if no-one was around to see what you're doing & nobody could find out?"
Think about that question.. being a good person isn't being nice when you're happy, when someone is watching, talking about the good deeds you do/plan to do.. it's who you are inside.
Sure you were young & naeive when you found the things that made you feel good- but I'm sure some of us are now realising it's not good for us at all.. It was easier for you to alter your state of mind, feign the confidence they never had, find the time to talk to strangers, find sitting around a table until sunrise talking shit entertaining in which it is fucking lame & boring. I think playing in traffic is more fun than this.
It's time to look around you & see that these happy extroverted children of the night are nothing but empty shells of a soul that once was ..unable to find anything but what is truth as to why they are justified to do what they do..Hiding in the shadow's..Crawling through the sun is a great feeling but after a while you are burnt.
The memory of false pretentious happiness that you can't quiet feel sober is your reason to go the way you do, using that as the excuse..it is unbelievably sad/selfish & the longest road to no where . I hear the justifications from people..so decieved by it all... always talking about that one time when.... that's what there about... chasing a past feeling they once achieved.. not making any progress.. looking behind & not seeing the huge cliff face there about to back off if they don't turn around soon.
Strung Out- Barfly
One more fix just a little bit of that Heaven I found crawling in the sun
Sitting, waiting, calling me to Indulge in this game that's gonna set me free
Another wasted night and here I am again
Promises remain just promises and I don't know why
A moment of weakness is a moment of clarity I know what I want
Why fight the temptation when it's all you've got When it's all I've ever known
So I give into the old ways of the past start besides
Once again I trap myself delivering from all I've gained
Lies to myself I've seen the justified means
I've got no time to listen to your good advice
I'm doin' just fine
Here on my own down here
I know one day this dance'll bring you to my knees
It's only a matter of time before I fall again
But that's alright
It's the little things in life that always mean the most to me anyway
So what if I go with a little piece of heaven and then take the edge away
Just like the living dead
That walk around the graves these nights
It's better in the closet
Found a piece of mind I never had
Call to escape from reality
I call it looking at the world
With both eyes open wide
To the truth yeah
I wanna be found smilin' when I die here
I wanna burn my eyes out on the sun
In heaven's basement you're the one that killed me first
Another endless night goes down
One more fix just a little bit
Of that heaven I found crawling in my sun
Sitting, waiting, calling me to indulge in this game that's gonna set me free
A moment of weakness is all I got and it's all I ever know
Another wasted night and here I am ...
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